Couples Therapy

Couples seek help for many reasons.

Maybe that spark in your relationship is gone. Getting over that sense of betrayal and utter sadness after the affair causes you to lack trust and understanding.

Communication seems like a chasm between you and your partner without a bridge. You feel like you work against each other rather than as a team.

While never making headway, fighting over finances, parenting, or religion leaves so much unresolved.

Intimacy has become routine, uncomfortable, or even nonexistent. Looking at power couples makes you say to each other, “Why can’t we be like that?”

Moving forward becomes difficult.

Living with a bad relationship is like trying to go through the day with a big rock in your shoe. It hurts and keeps you from performing your best! It makes you question your abilities.

Struggling couples often feel that life is “just going through the motions” without passion and fun.

Often, couples don’t know how to repair their relationship, but they know it is in deep trouble.

Frustration mounts until the situation gets unbearable.

One partner may think of the other, “Why don’t they ever get it? Why do they mistreat me? All they seem to care about is their selfish desires.”

As their partner gets home, the other may think, “Here we go again. Another competition of who’s right and who’s wrong. After more bickering and complaining, then there is retreating to be alone for the rest of the evening.”

Walls go up.

When emptiness resides where love used to be, attitudes and behaviors change, causing walls to go up. One partner expressed how they felt by saying, “It seems we’re living in our separate worlds, even though in the same house.” Whenever your partner gets on their computer or phone, you’re wondering, “Now, who are they talking to about how I feel? How do I know this isn’t the start of an affair?”

Work may seem less stimulating than it used to be because of frustration about your marriage. Perhaps, your coworkers begin to look better and better, and your spouse looks worse and worse. You know this is a slippery slope you don’t want to go down, but what is the answer?

Everyone always asks how you and your spouse are doing. Should you be honest or keep lying, saying everything’s okay? These thoughts seem devastating and impossible to sort out.

If you want to move forward as a couple – I can help.

Reestablishing trust and commitment is the goal…

We’ll determine where the breakdown of trust has been and how it has impacted each partner. We’ll do exercises of listening to each other and practice hearing and feeling each partner’s hurt.

I’ll teach you to be respectful despite differing opinions. We’ll work on attunement, improving communication, overcoming conflict, and healing emotional wounds. We’ll enhance attachment, explore new shared meanings, form new rituals of connection, and improve intimacy.

I’ll teach you how to build your commitment together in the future so you can have shared goals and dreams. Often clients have difficulty expressing what they want. I help them overcome their challenges and develop new habits of communication to achieve happiness.

In the session, we often discuss sharing feelings, establishing needs, showing acceptance for their partner’s words, and applying self-soothing when upset.

Creating goals that make you both feel good…

We’ll discuss your feelings about what’s important to you and how to compose shared goals that will make you feel good. An essential part of this process is being a good listener and encouraging your partner when they feel passionate.

Shared goals will help you work harder to overcome difficulties together. You’ll feel stronger and with a sense of shared meaning. You’ll also have someone to celebrate accomplishing those goals.

I can share with you what has helped similar couples and what may help you find more satisfaction in working together. We’ll then make a plan together for the first steps to accomplishing your unique goals.

Overcoming relationship trauma…

We’ll discuss with support and understanding how your experiences from the past have affected you emotionally. I’ll help you see the main differences between then and now and ensure that you feel safe knowing those experiences will not happen again.

Together, we’ll work to help you gain the emotional strength and confidence to repair those difficulties caused by bad past experiences. We’ll be sure you have the mindset to carry you forward successfully, so your memories will not haunt you.

Exploring how you best show and receive love…

Together, we’ll evaluate the best way to treat each other and learn how to make that happen more often in your relationship. We’ll consider how to do this daily and during conversations of conflict. Living the golden rule of treating others how you want them to treat you is not good enough. We’ll discuss using your partner’s love language to meet each other’s needs and feel loved.

Improving communication skills is essential in this process. I will help you learn how to have better daily interactions, share your feelings, become a better listener, and address conflict.

Having difficult conversations is challenging…

Sometimes, you must discuss subjects that can cause hard feelings or even defensiveness. We’ll practice how to keep a positive tone in the relationship while having these conversations.

I’ll coach you to remember you’ve “got your partner’s back” during this to help maintain an atmosphere of love and respect. This approach will help iron out relationship difficulties so you can talk about anything and still feel appreciated.

Improving communication skills…

Communication is the most important skill in having a great relationship.

I will help you learn how to have more positive daily interactions, better sharing of feelings, be a better listener, and address conflict.

We’ll practice various techniques and work on making your new strengths into habits, so you will thrive as a partnership, not just survive.

Learning how to resolve conflict…

Hard as we may try, every relationship has some conflict, whether from differences in preferences or opinions. We must be respectful without giving up on what is important to us.

I’ll help you view the struggle as if you and your partner are sitting on the same side of the table, looking across at the problem to solve, rather than sitting on opposing sides, looking across like your partner is the problem.

We’ll work on using statements beginning with “I,” allowing for phrasing to help you get your point across without putting your partner on defense. You’ll learn to compromise and take turns getting your way, so both partners become pleased with the decision.

Many couples come to me wanting to learn how to “fight fair.” I will practice with you how to make it not feel like a fight as you resolve your differences.